I want you guys to know that I just texted Ian a picture of a strange man on the beach because he is gorgeous and I’m with two straight men and I needed someone to appreciate him with me. So that’s what my life has become. Super creepy objectification of beautiful strangers.
“Sorry, did I wake you up? I have a legal question” is a phrase that pretty much guarantees you’ll be getting a phone call from me in fifteen minutes retracting everything I’ve just said after I’ve woken up enough to realize it was completely wrong. Sorry Dad.
The “what’s your Benedict Cumberbatch name” chart returns my name as Benedict Cumberbatch, and I can’t quite decide if I think this is awesome or horribly disappointing.
I have been told by multiple friends that I am great at telling them when to, in...– Laura (via adultbecause)
Dana Clark: Age 29, No Cancer, Removed My Breasts... →
sweetteaandbbq: Hey guys. I know that the whole Angelina Jolie thing is going around but check out this article by my friend who did the exact same thing. She is so brave. This makes me happy, because I have been trying to talk doctors into letting me have this surgery since I was 21. Maybe now, at 28, they’ll start taking me seriously.
I’ve taken to watching Arrested Development while cardioing at the gym. I’m sure no one around me is at all nonplussed by my audible laughter.
I would never just get it on with a guy while other people watched. I’m...– How To Live With Your Parents. The show isn’t great but MAN do I love when Arizona State gets made fun of on television.
You know what helps women re: cancer? Adequate health insurance with consistent...– : Kelsium (via ackb) THIS. Good for you Angie but a majority of woman in this country can’t afford to have these tests done, let alone the reconstructive surgery afterward. Yes, it is incredibly important to talk about woman’s health issues and preventative care but to assume that this is the...
Every single time that I microwave popcorn, there’s a ball of black popcorn right in the center. I do not understand how this happens, except that it must be some sort of conspiracy. I stand right in front of it! I count how close together the pops are! Who knew microwaving popcorn could be so difficult?
I have to get an MRI in like an hour because I’ve been having back/hip pain for the last two months and apparently the “inflammation indicators” in my blood are high. So obviously I was up until 7am diagnosing myself with 76 different kinds of cancers/lupus. Seriously, whoever thought that Web MD was a good idea can go fuck himself.
I’ve decided that the entire world refuses to use the subjunctive correctly out of spite for me, because the alternative is too terrible to bear. I mean honestly, in no world does “I wish I was” sound right. No world. I’m just going to start walking around/trolling facebook shouting WERE. YOU WISH YOU WERE, YOU INSUFFERABLE IDIOT.
When I came home from family dinner tonight for my sister’s birthday, my new neighbors were having sex so loudly apparently in the foyer of their apartment that I heard it as I was walking up the stairs. Which, I mean, great for them, get it girl, but MAN what a terrible time to get my key stuck in the door.
I just successfully used my new mandoline to make sweet potato fries without cutting off even a little bit of my fingers, and I’m feeling pretty good about it.
I’m giving up the job search and commencing the search for an oil baron husband. Hell, he doesn’t even need to marry me. I have absolutely no qualms about being some old rich guy’s kept woman.
I think my favorite part of being an adult, even more than eating ice cream for dinner if I so choose, is that when my college friends (well, I was in college anyway) post flyers for their shitty local Tucson band gigs on Facebook, I don’t even have to entertain the thought of actually going.
I broke down and responded to a Boston Truther on Facebook today. I regret it almost immediately but I mean, seriously? I promise you this shit was not a fucking conspiracy.
etrangere: jhermann: theamericanbear: here (PDF) the constant references to “interstate and foreign commerce” are unsettling I noticed that! This seems to dwell on the financial damages more than the human casualties. Also, there is no mention of the MIT officer killed whatsoever. “Interstate and foreign commerce” is how you get into Federal Court. I didn’t read the entirety of the...
I’m just glad I don’t have to watch CNN anymore. Even Anderson isn’t enough to make up for Wolf.
Tonight’s birthday dinner included: Babyback ribs with bourbon BBQ sauce. Sweet potato soup with ricotta and pecans and whatever dreams are made of. Garlic leek risotto. Trigger fish. Mini melt-in-your-mouth biscuits. Dark chocolate, peanut butter, and sea salt tarte. Old fashioneds. Some other insanely delicious things that I will probably dream about tonight. If you ever decide to...
For as long as I can remember, it has been tradition that on our birthdays my grandmother calls and sings Happy Birthday. For the last few years, I’ve let the call go directly to voicemail so I can listen to it over and over, because it’s always hilarious. This year is particularly good. She just sang and said “bye” and hung up the phone. The woman is nothing if not...
I’ve had mixed feelings about the Humans of New York tumblr for awhile now. I like the photos and I think it’s cool to get a snapshot of life in NYC, but it bothers me that the guy who runs it is basically making money off of photos of strangers who are getting nothing in return. And I know that they are giving permission, and some even seek him out, but somehow it just feels icky to me. So...
I was raised in North Carolina, I became an adult in Tucson, but I grew up in Boston. Boston raised me. It taught me how to stand up for myself, how to not take no for an answer, how to fend for myself and navigate roads that by all accounts are unnavigable. Literally and metaphorically. I learned how to apply the Boston attitude to my life, how to deal with people who do not want to be dealt...
Every time Of Monsters and Men’s Little Talks comes on the radio I have a mini stroke trying to figure out what other song it sounds exactly like. Today, I finally figured it out. It’s Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes. Maybe now my brain can focus on something that actually matters.
I’m not going to expound upon this too much, but I really feel as though the fact that Pepto chewables are just about the chalkiest, most disgusting things I’ve ever put into my mouth is a pretty serious design flaw.
I just made kale pesto, because apparently kale is a thing we’re supposed to be eating now and I hate the texture so why not food process it to within an inch of its life, and you guys. If you ever take one single piece of advice from me, let it be this: If a recipe says to use one small clove of garlic, don’t decide to use one huge clove of garlic. Especially raw garlic. Even if...
Rocking bare legs for the first time this year and dear god I need a tan.
I got up and went to the gym at 5:45 this morning, which was great because it was empty and I didn’t have the opportunity to talk myself out of it in favor of not having to shower twice like when I go in the evening. But here’s the thing. I’m unemployed, so how in the world am I supposed to fill all of those daylight hours? I need a hobby that isn’t, like, knitting. Or...
Now I’m watching the American Country Music Awards because The Amazing Race isn’t on and I was finally able to end my unhealthy hate/hate relationship with Mad Men after the second episode of last season, and I have two very important questions. 1) Why is Kenny Chesney wearing a T-shirt with the sleeves cutoff? Don’t they have a dress code? Or common decency? 2) If you were...
My new neighbors are watching Jurassic Park on their television, which apparently has a pretty sweet sound system because I’m fairly certain that I’m about to have a T-Rex in my apartment.
A friend of mine from college (I’m talking to you little G) in Tucson just posted on the Facebook wall of a friend of mine from high school in NC and I’m feeling all “this world is so small and life is so fleeting” about it. I always find it so strange when that happens, like out of all of the literal billions of people in this world these strings form and we’re all...
This. Is. Important.
sarahlizfits: donnamosses: tattooed-yogi: According to Stephen Colbert tonight, this is the link for a new GOP survey aimed at ‘younger voters.’ Oh sweet lord, the questions on this thing are hilarious and painful and EVERYONE ON TUMBLR NEEDS TO FILL THIS OUT RIGHT NOW DO THIS It says I’m too old to take this, but some of you young things should fill this out. :) Being able to answer...
I just learned that you can’t use Sephora store credits online and the closest Sephora is two hours away and dear god why did I ever move out of a city? Why?
I’m having some sort of quarter-life crisis and there’s about a 40% chance it’s going to end with my buying a one-way ticket to London and just figuring it out when I get there.
You guys. All I want is Shag on DVD. Why is it $68 on Amazon?! The fact that the greatest period movie ever made about shag contests in Myrtle Beach is out of print is a goddamn travesty.
My bracket is busted, and I am sad.
I went from 15/16 yesterday to 7/16 today. I managed to predict the Harvard thing but who could have ever seen Georgetown’s bed shitting coming? Also, NC State, I will never believe in you again.
Oregon’s green/yellow and Oklahoma State’s orange is a fucking HD nightmare. Good thing there are seven billion other games to watch!